By Jeffrey Petts
We’ll stay away from the fantasy football primer for at least one more day. (My league is on Day Nine of our draft and I’m a little footballed-out.) Instead, Canon Fodder brings you fictitious newspaper headlines we could one day see if a copy editor falls asleep at the wheel. (Beware: double entendres ahead.)
Say MLB Commissioner Bud Selig was to discover a certain portly pitcher residing in southern California is linked to the BALCO/steroids scandal and then pointed George Mitchell in his direction. Considering many already feel Selig is the antichrist, the headline might read like this…
Commissioner’s Office Probing Angels’ Colon
Though I’m sure the MLB team in San Diego has nothing to do with the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, this could be an instance of a perfectly innocent meet-the-players event gone wrong:
Young Boys Sleep-Over Camp Embraced by Padres
What if NBA ballers Shaquille O’Neal, Carlos Boozer, Rudy Gay and Vince Carter were to spend a private summer vacation shooting hoops together?
Carter Shaq-ing Up with Gay, Boozer in Remote Paradise
It might not happen often in the NHL, but Pittsburgh does occasionally beat New Jersey. Newspapers, on the other hand, might make it seem like a cold day in… well, you know.
Devils Overwhelmed by Fleury and Penguins
Finally, what if an Atlanta football icon were to dodge pending federal charges, be traded to Detroit Lions and then approached by management with the choice of a massive signing bonus or a diminutive possession receiver? You might end up reading the following over Sunday coffee:
Vick Gives Furrey the Ax; Will Spend Next Years Tossing Salad and Playing with Johnson
Then again, you might read a very similar headline if Vick cops a plea with the Feds.
Still enjoying Canon Fodder? Do you find it pun-ny? (Okay, I’ll stop.) If so, pass us on to friends and acquaintances. Heck, start spamming friends with our link. We don’t care. But I do care about your questions and comments and such. Send them to me at jeff@canon-fodder.com.