Archive for February, 2008

Is Anybody Listening? Apparently… Yes.

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

By Craig Dumas

You know what’s got me upset this week? The fact that on April 20th of last year, the state government of Michigan introduced legislation to incrementally increase license fees over the next six years. For instance, residents will go from $15 to $30 for a regular firearm license and senior citizens in deer camp will fork out from $6 up to $24 for the privilege. While ours only doubles, the old timers pay more than 3 times for the same tag as a year ago. Shouldn’t they be expected to pay less out of respect for age and seniority? And to make it worse, they’re raising the prices but, for those in their golden years, they won’t tell you of the senior discount unless you ask. They want you to pay the higher price if you’re none the wiser. It’s public information, but it’s not. Get it?

Why can’t the cost be recouped from the carpetbagging non-residents that come into our state and pilfer our game? Ours is going up by $15 while the out-of-staters is going up 27, $138 to $165. I say tag them for double to compensate for the seniors, juniors, and retirees. (It’s bad enough we share a stateline with them, but do we have to let them have access to our wildlife too?) The state is even beefing up the small game price for juniors from $1 to $10. Is that any sort of encouragement for the next generation of hunters? As far as all the other fees are concerned, I guess they are adjusted accordingly. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not opposed to the increase itself, but the fact the state is doing it over six years. This state is long overdue for a rate adjustment. I just think it would be better absorbed and forgotten if they made the increases effective right away. I believe that if they have a long-term plan for how the funds are divvied, they can create a plan to bank the money (with interest no less) and disperse it more efffectively. Reason being, there will be some people that think it’s unfair and decide they will hunt on their own terms but if you look, we are at a much lower standard than other competitive states and need the increases to pay for the revenue shortfall we are currently facing and the cuts in place now. I mean, the state has even started to close some state parks because the lack of funding has caused poor upkeep and this is what affects me directly since my family devotedly uses these campgrounds for vacation and getaways.

Editor’s note: If anyone had the idea our Grizzly Woodsman was a gun-wielding simpleton, I think the preceding two paragraphs thoroughly put that theory to rest. No, he’s more of an angry-at-the-government, gun-wielding simpleton. But he respects his elders, so Craig’s a little less scary. I’m glad we’ve cleared that up.

So across the board we’ll generally pay more over the next six years when we could just get it over with and make the increase effective immediately. I feel much of the resentment and negative responses would be detoured if done swiftly and effectively. It’s kind of like ripping off a Band-Aid. Do they really want to hear the gripes over the next six years or just hear it for a few months? One quick yank and it’s quickly forgotten. I’m sure the number of tags will go down for a while but the hunters will return gradually just because hunters like to hunt. Meanwhile, those few hunters that don’t purchase licenses will return to hunt sans tag, illegally.

What’s the only reason I see why it might be better for the gradual increase? I don’t think the state government would know what to do with all that money coming in at once. I know what they could do. Bring back the DNR officers they thinned out and make the patrols more effective to control poachers and illegal goings on. That would be a start. What they could do is really focus on when and where the mysterious TB herd is going and quarantine them if possible. They don’t really seem to have a firm handle on how to count and control them. The flying over of an area and getting a head count and averaging it over the counties is farcical. The numbers change every year and they aren’t going down. It just seems to migrate from county to county overlapping on some borders. I, for one, have experienced that every deer taken in our camp has been disease-free and quite healthy. What they could do is set aside some funds to establish new programs for children and young adults to encourage hunting and hunting techniques in the field. What they could do is have controlled baiting regulated by said officers to better the hunting experiences especially for the younger hunters. In the same breath, they are trying to limit our baiting process to control the herd by simply not letting us bait at all. How is this helping the government control the diseased herd? Their answer: Give us unlimited tags (or have in the past) for antlerless deer but don’t let us bait to get them. This logic doesn’t make any sense to me. I guess as long as they can justify it to themselves, it’s ok. They claim the disease is spread via breathing and feeding around the same bait pile. I guess deer don’t breathe when they bed down or do anything else in close proximity. (So how does the DNR believe deer breed? Do they hold their breath while in “the act”?)

You know, as I reminisce on old photos of my uncles and grandparents back in the heyday of a popular sport, I realize that we’re not in the 1950s and ‘60s anymore, when the deer were plentiful, there was no need for baiting, and hunting was much more prosperous. We live in a time where politics and the local governments dictate what, when, and how we hunt. They tell us what times to be out, they tell us when we can bait, and they tell us how much we need to pay the state for wanting to enjoy the outdoors. It almost – almost – hints of Big Brother doesn’t it? I don’t really know when it got so out of hand but it’s gotten to a point that it can, does, and will turn away even the most dedicated and loyal of hunters. I ponder the thought, too often, that I need to be out there to carry on tradition as opposed to just going for the fun and camaraderie. I’m trying hard to carry this tradition forward so my son and daughter can go out to enjoy the same experiences I had, and not be deterred by politics or a government trying to intercede via costs, licenses, and rules. I will, however, forge on so as not to lose touch with nature and the future of my children, no matter what.

Editor’s note: As I was editing Craig’s work and searching the Internet for interesting links to add a bit of color to the dour forecast, I came across an article on the subject of fees. A part of me wanted to send this piece back to Craig with a ‘Sorry, we can’t post it,’ apology. However, after reading his rants about the fees, I thought it was more fitting to post the entire piece. You see, most people would be happy that logic won out in the end. Craig, however, will hardly be satisfied because he wrote this entry a full two months after the raised fees were nixed. Now he’ll read this and probably chew right through his own lip. Why? Because that’s what our Grizzly Woodsman does. Even when he wins, he loses.

And that’s funny all by itself.

Grizzly Woodsman: Sport or Survival?

Monday, February 11th, 2008

By Craig Dumas

Hunt or hunting as described by Webster’s Unabridged is: ‘the act of chasing wild animals for the purpose of catching them; a chase, the act of a person or animal that hunts’.

It may be inferred but it doesn’t say anything about killing them. That is exactly where I separate the term sport from survival. So, is it safe to say hunting’s now considered a sport, or is it truly a necessity for only those few that only rely on the meats of the wild to maintain life? Hardly. The sport is exactly that. Many a hunter goes out either alone or with a group to kill game for what? Do they just toss their kill in the trash and call it a day? Is there a ribbon or certificate awarded for the accomplishment? This is where the term should describe and differentiate fun from survival. As in fishing, catch and release is the only true explanation of the term. Nothing is killed, yet skill and talent are the only things expensed and exercised.

If you go out and join a club that shoots at targets short or long range, or even spot targets that move, that’s a sport. You are expressing skill and talent towards a hobby. You are not killing anything but time and ammo, hence the term ‘sport’. If you want meat, you depend on the local grocer to supply the fattening and heart attack-inducing beef that’s farm bred and fed chemicals to plump up our dinner portions. In today’s day and age, it’s common for us to hunt for fun since we are, after all, the superior species and have the opposable thumbs. Survival of the fittest is putting it mildly. We don’t have to depend on the kill to put food on the table and feed our families. I think it’s more common to see this when you get out of the city and get into the rural settings. Believe me – some of these settings are downright uninhabitable and inhumane. I don’t really know how people live and survive in little shacks that look deplorable and should be condemned. But I can tell you that by the number of gunshots I hear after the typical hunting hours plus out of season shots, these folks are putting food on the table for reasons beyond simple sportsmanship.

Survival as described by Webster’s Unabridged is ‘remaining alive or in existence by any means necessary’. This means that ‘sport’ is no longer the correct term and should instead be replaced by ‘hunting’. This is where it gets interesting.

The root purpose of survival hunting is to utilize all parts of an animal for food and whatever else is needed. Be it bait for entrapment of larger game, tools from the bones to fashion weaponry, or the skins to make clothing for protection from the elements. All these are truths to the terms survival and hunting. An example, you commonly find in that area is rabbit. Setting a snare trap is easy. Once caught, skinning and eviscerating are essential and need to be done quickly. Like rolling a wet sock down a leg, the hide is done fast and then you have fur-lined gloves. Hand protection. Deer is a larger game and the same rules apply. Only now you have some quantities of meat to be stored in an underground-type freezer. As an added bonus, you’ll have a hide that once added to another you have the makings for a durable coat. Being that deer hair is hollow; this creates wonderful insulation for your body. As for the meats, one must be aware that you can, and do, get protein poisoning due to over consumption of the wild meat. Since wild game is very lean to say the least, you will in turn get lean as well and must utilize all the other parts of the body to get the necessary fats available. This includes the eyes, feet, brains, and even bones. Yes, I said bones too. They do carry some fat sources that are at a minimum, but needed nonetheless.

So when they say hunting is considered by some to be a sport or a game, I don’t necessarily agree. Some don’t take it quite as seriously as I do. As our Canon Fodder editor, can attest to, I’m somewhat serious and reserved about the whole thing. More than I probably should be, so I try lighten up with a few ‘barley pops’ daily during the hunting season. I don’t go out there just to kill for the fling but to properly study and choose the best target, not unlike the natural predators of the land. It’s no longer a survival-type need, but more of a hobby practiced by those of us that like to be one with nature and fire weapons. It’s more an acquired skill that one cherishes and appreciates all the more when the trophy is taken. Heck, if I just wanted to kill for the rush of it, I have 10 acres that has a plentitude of game ripe for the taking anytime, any day. That’s not the point and I am sure you understand where I come from. In today’s day and age where anything goes and the future rapidly becomes the past, it’s hard to keep up with the discussion that never has an end but is a never-ending circle.

So is it sport, or survival, or a bit of both? Chasing game for the fun of it is sport, but when you actually kill something the critter is when it changes to hunting. Not necessarily for survival, but essentially to feed one’s family. Hunting is the intent of a kill; sport is the intent of the chase. I don’t know if it exactly jives with the Canon Fodder description of a sport, but the dictionary definitely has two definitions.

Now grab your firearm and get close with nature… it’s almost time for supper.

Un-Patriotic

Friday, February 8th, 2008

By Joe Moskwa

Thank GOD. I still feel high from this year’s Super Bowl, and I’m not even New York Giants fan or from New York, New Jersey and everywhere else claiming the Giants as their own. With that being said, I’m hoping maybe you guys will go away now. Yes, New England Patriots, I’m a talking about YOU. Would you be so kind as to disappear now?

Any while you’re at it, could you take your bandwagon bunch with you? I’m not talking about your fans that live in Boston; I’m talking about your fans that don’t even realize you guys play in Massachusetts. The ones that live in my city! There’s only a couple of groups that get under my skin MORE than these never-even-been-to-Boston / Tom-Brady-is-so-hot “fans”. One is that “armband tattoo” guy. The other? “Texas Hold ‘em” guy! This is the guy that invites you over for a poker party, and when you arrive, you find out that it’s only Texas Hold ‘em. Because that’s what they play on TV. So that’s the only game the whole world can play now. Forget 5-card draw, blind baseball, 3-card guts, Omaha, Low-Chicago, High-Chicago, etc…

And do you really need to wear sunglasses? Dude, we’re just playing CARDS. In your basement. Oh sorry, I mean your mom’s basement.

A statement you will never hear me utter: “Hey, check out my new tattoo. Yeah, it’s on my bicep. It goes all the way around. Hang on, let me roll up my Brady jersey. Yup, you’re right, it’s barbed wire! Awesome huh? Okay let’s deal ‘em up. I’m practicing to get into one of those ESPN tournaments”.

(There are some dudes out there that would probably like to strangle me now. Not to worry though, the “dudes” that I just stereotyped are not smart enough to read let alone find me.)

Wow. I didn’t realize I had that much to say about “Hold ‘em” guy. However, I have more to say about the NFL runners up. Stay with me though because some of you should be able to relate.

I’ll start with the root of the problem. It all starts here, with Coach Belichick. Coach Belichick designed a methodical, impressive, and almost unstoppable NFL-version of the “spread” offense. It moves the ball well, controls the clock, uses short passes like runs, and frustrates opposing defenses.

Downside? IT’S SO BORING TO WATCH!

C’mon guys, you have to admit it. Most of us want to see someone like LaDainian or Adrian Peterson juke a defender out of his shoes. Or maybe see a wide receiver catch a ball with his head? I’d take that any day over watching a group of second-stringers spread all over the field. Jabar Gaffney. Wes Welker. Kevin Faulk. Put them back in their old situations and they’ll go back to doing nothing again. Deion Branch, David Patten, Damien Woody and Cory Dillon left the Pats. How are they doing now? Are they even still in the league?

My point? It’s the system. Belichick is the best offensive playbook designer out there. He wins. That’s his job. Not his fault that a Texas Hold ‘em tourney is just as exciting.

But if boredom were the only reason I’d like to see the Pats scram, I wouldn’t be writing this. There are other factors. Take the players for instance. Don’t we want to LIKE these guys we’re watching? Doesn’t flair, charisma, and personality help a bit? These are things that the Pats just don’t have, and that’s another reason why they’re just not working for me. I don’t understand the appeal. Take a look at some of the other teams that have ran off championships like the Pats have. The Bulls had Michael Jordan. The Lakers had Magic. (His NAME was “Magic”. What else can you say?) The Broncos had Terrell Davis. Lakers had another – Shaq. Cowboys had Emmitt and Irvin. Niners had Rice. And Joe Cool. (Another one with the name. Names like “Magic” and “Cool”, how do you compete with that?). Even our newest champ, Michael Strahan, has more personality in his baby finger that the whole Pats team combined.

There’s something these guys all had in common. They were liked, even loved, by most everybody. Now I’m sure there were exceptions, but it’s true. How many commercials have the above been in, collectively? A hundred? More? Probably. Look at Peyton Manning. The dude’s in EVERY commercial. And he only has one ring. Brady? Sure he got the Visa one with his linemen right after they won their first title, but that’s been it. And if any of the Pats WERE to get another commercial, what would they be endorsing? “Cheaties” cereal? Night-vision spy goggles? Cellular phone interceptors? Pinhole video cameras? “Choke chains”? Condoms that generate perfect results – 99% of the time?

I compare the lack of Pats commercials and boringness of their players to something I like to call the “Dinner Factor”. This is something I use to help people decide on who to be a fan of. It’s easy. It’s basically a “who-would-you-rather-have-dinner-with” hypothetical game. The rules are easy. Number one: WOULD you have dinner with this person. Number two: If you had to choose between TWO people, who would you pick? Last rule: No choosing someone just because they have a nice butt-chin and maybe it’ll lead to marriage. (Sorry Tom, I just took away all your dinners.)

I’ll demonstrate (quickly and shortly) how the game works. Okay, would you have dinner with Peyton Manning? Of course you would. Okay, Peyton or Tom Brady? Shaq or Brady? Shaq or Randy Moss? Joe Montana or Tom Brady? Bill Belichick or Bill… Parcells? Emmitt Smith or Kevin Faulk? Jerome Bettis or Cory Dillon?

Go ahead. Make some up yourself. Take any champ who’s not a Pat, and compare them to a Pat. The Patriot will not win. (Unless you’re from New England.) To take it a step further, look at Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith when they were on “Dancing With the Stars”. C’mon, America ate it up. They DROOLED over these two. They got votes just because of who they were. And they deserved it. These two could run for president and probably win. If Deion Branch got on the show in a few years? Yeah, good luck.

It’s kind of how folks talk about the 2004 Detroit Pistons. They don’t have the commercials, not a lot of spark and flair, and they play more of a monotonous / robotic “team” type of system.

A couple more things the ‘04 Pistons don’t have: Smugness and dirty closets. Two things that are very unattractive. Think about the smugness part. Who likes smug? I personally interview 50 job candidates a week and I actually have a “smug factor” in all of my grades. It’s not a likeable trait.

But it’s a trait the Pats have. They’re short with the media. They don’t smile. They post things on the injury report like TOM BRADY QUESTIONABLE WITH A HIGH ANKLE SPRAIN. They throw 35-yard touchdown passes with 3 minutes left in a game while being up by 28. C’mon, that’s all smugness and cockiness. Just cut it out guys.

Lastly? The dirty closets. Do I really need to hear about how they taped the Rams walkthrough in 2002? How they stole signals? Do I want to keep hearing about Spygate? I certainly don’t.

I just want it all to go away. The robots that drive up and down the field while putting me to sleep. The bandwagoners that love Brady because “he went to Michigan”. The bad press conferences. The smugness. The Spygate talk. Will it ever end? I’m hoping it will. I’m betting you do too.