Canon Fodder – Sports Blog

Last week we examined the lesser offenses on Canon Fodder’s Cheating Scale (Part I). Today we’ll knock off the remaining six degrees of cheating of our first draft. (Remember, this scale is to be a living document which will require constant altering. That’s where you, the reader, come into play.)

Picking up where we left off, here are the hardcore instances of cheating in the world of sports.

Willing Infractions – These are times when a player acknowledges a play is illegal and does it anyway. (Usually this is because the punishment is preferable to the outcome if they don’t commit the penalty.)

In hockey terms, this is something as simple as a defenseman dragging down an opponent rather than allowing them a naked breakaway. Most coaches would agree two minutes in the box is better than permitting a game-breaking scoring opportunity.

When on the gridiron, an offensive tackle might have to commit a holding penalty to protect his quarterback’s blindside. Ten yards tacked on to the line of scrimmage is a better alternative to scraping your franchise star from under 300 lbs. of bloodthirsty, mongoloid defensive end.

Basketball has institutionalized the practice of committing a foul to the point it’s a strategy. Try and think of a close game recently when the trailing team didn’t attempt to foul so as to preserve the clock and give themselves another chance to win. It’s to the point where the final two minutes of an NBA game has become a free throw shooting contest.

Premeditated – Where the previously-mentioned Gentleman’s Violations are often crimes of opportunity, the following are a conscious, premeditated effort by the player to garner an illegal advantage.

NFL players have been rumored to use substances from Stickum-covered hands (Fred Biletnikoff) to Vaseline-slathered shoulder pads (Barry Sanders). (I can recall an instance when officials had to stop the game to check Sanders’ jersey for a slippery substance because of complaints by the defensive team. No substance was found.)

Sticks with too much curve are the big premeditated crime in the NHL. Elite scorers are notorious for having certain sticks for the first and second periods of games, then a different (less-curved, more legal) stick for the third period when opponents are more likely to ask for a measurement. Until recently, goalies pushed equipment regulations to the limit with oversized jerseys (Patrick Roy) and padding bordering on medieval armor (Garth Snow).

Baseball players are the worst offenders when it comes to premeditated cheating. Corked bats are the hitter’s typical modus operandi. Sammy Sosa had a bat explode in 2003 resulting in a seven-game suspension for corking. Albert Belle had a bat confiscated that led to a break-in of the umpires’ dressing room in 1994. One crime begat another.

The history of pitchers doctoring balls is long and storied. Hall of Fame pitcher Gaylord Perry made a career of slathering the ball in Vaseline to the point he approached the company in an attempt to advertise their product. Their rumored response? “We soothe babies’ backsides, not baseballs.”

Cheap Shots – Of all the ways a player can break the rules to give themselves a competitive advantage, the least sportsmanlike is the cheap shot. This happens when one player disrespects another competitor – often one with superior talent – to the point they opt to injure them. This type of frustration-laden form of cheating is the dirtiest way to play and is typically met with hefty fines and suspensions.

Dale Hunter made NHL history with a vicious hit on Pierre Turgeon after a goal was scored in a playoff game. Hunter’s explanation was he hadn’t noticed Turgeon scored. When the league handed out a twenty-one game suspension, critics joked it was twenty for the hit and one for the bad excuse.
[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=GWVb8AFf4Dk[/youtube]

The flagrant foul has been a big topic of discussion in the NBA. Here’s a pair of instances when players took advantage of an opportunity to deliver a bit more force than was necessary.
[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=AJz6Op1cBTQ[/youtube]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=XGDduMtMnvw

Even the No Fun League (NFL) has its share of blatantly opportunistic hits. The first link is a nasty head stomp and the second is a compilation of mostly legal hits, but there are more than a few clothesline tackles and instances of spearing. Enjoy!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lW4XUpN9bPQ[/youtube]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Z0EcnHwQMA

I couldn’t locate any footage of Ty Cobb breaking up a double play with his spikes up or a clip of Juan Marichal clubbing catcher John Roseboro with a bat but stuff like that is hardly uncommon in baseball. Bean balls and bench clearing brawls offer the cheap shot artist plenty of opportunities to practice their craft.

Performance-Enhancing Substances – Let’s air something out right off the bat; just because a league (say, Major League Baseball for example) didn’t specifically ban a particular substance doesn’t mean its players could legally use the said substance. You see, if the material in question is a controlled substance and the player is using it without a prescription, then the P-E substance is illegal under U.S. law and by that definition banned by all the professional sports leagues. Unfortunately, baseball officials compounded their problem by ignoring it for years rather than battling the overly-powerful players union. It wasn’t until public opinion turned and Congress addressed the subject that Bud Selig had the leverage necessary to override the union.

MLB’s culpability in this issue doesn’t change the fact players across all the major sports are using P-E substances in an attempt to better themselves. Personally, I don’t have a problem if Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi want to enlarge their skulls to bobblehead size in their pursuit of homeruns or if Ken Caminiti sacrifices his testicles for an MVP award. My problem is when they won’t admit using these illicit substances (except when cornered by a grand jury). If a player wants to fly down to Mexico (where most of these substances are legal) during the off-season and bulk-up, that’s hardly cheating. “I eat a dozen raw eggs for protein and then shoot some horse steroids before hitting the gym.” Cool. Just come out and admit it. If a player believes steroid use isn’t cheating, take a stand and stop hiding. (And don’t pull a Jose Canseco and promote the use of P-E drugs after-the-fact. Come out before you’re caught and lead a movement to legalize these substances if you really believe their use isn’t cheating.) Players like Bonds, Giambi, McGwire, Sosa and Caminiti spent their entire careers trying to separate themselves from the pack and enter the spotlight. To argue “everyone else is using” is nothing more than a copout by millionaires attempting to escape public backlash when they’ve been exposed as frauds.

Metagaming – When you’re using factors beyond those allowed within the context of the game, you’re guilty of metagaming. Stealing signs because your player on second base can interpret the catcher’s signals is a lot different from having a guy with binoculars in the centerfield stands relaying the upcoming pitch to the batter via a light on the scoreboard. (Oh yes, that’s been done.)

There have been occasions when NFL coaches have had to sacrifice their beloved headsets because those used by the opponent were malfunctioning. Coaches cover their mouths for fear of lip-reading spies watching them. More than one playbook has ended up in enemy hands. In the uber-secret world of NFL coaches, this all makes sense. To the rest of us it’s just paranoia run amuck.

One would think a less-static game like hockey wouldn’t have room for metagaming but accusations flew during the 1993 Stanley Cup finals when Montreal coach Jacques Demers called for a stick measurement of a Kings player. A power play resulted and the Canadiens tied the game and later won in overtime. Rumor had it the staff of the Montreal Forum had inspected the Kings’ equipment when it arrived and informed the coaching staff of the illegal stick. Though this story hasn’t been confirmed, NHL teams carefully guard their equipment to this day when in opposing venues.

Just last year the St. Louis Cardinals grumbled their suspicions the Chicago White Sox were using a centerfield camera to steal signs from the catcher. Chicago manager Ozzie Guillen laughed at the accusation but antics of this type go back generations. Bobby Thompson’s “Shot Heard Round the World” is hinted to have come about in large part due to Giants coach Herman Franks situating himself in the centerfield clubhouse and relaying the catcher’s sign back to the dugout via a buzzer. The players then signaled the Thompson at the plate. None of this can be proven, of course, but the technology was certainly in place and such a feat would be even easier to pull off today.

Gambling – The most insidious form of cheating often results because of gambling. Sometimes it’s merely a college point-shaving scheme. Arizona State was rocked by a scandal in 1994. The University of Toledo is dealing with point-shaving over a span of years from 2003 to 2006. This is simply asking a team to go ahead and win, but just don’t win by more than a certain margin. The players in question usually receive money or benefits from bookies to ensure a game turns out with a specific outcome. Bookies don’t necessarily care which team wins the game, just the margin of victory is within their betting parameters.

The outright throwing of a game rarely happens and it’s probably because of the reaction to the Black Sox scandal back in 1919. The book and movie Eight Men Out details the events leading to eight players of the Chicago White Sox accepting money to lose the World Series. All eight (and a player for the St. Louis Browns with knowledge of the scheme) were banned for life.

The most common form of gambling in sports might actually come in the form of a player or coach betting on their own team to win. Pete Rose is the obvious example that comes to mind of someone using their gambling as an actual defense for their crime. “I bet on my team every night. I didn’t bet on my team four nights a week. I bet on my team to win every night because I love my team, I believe in my team,” said Rose in a radio interview back in March. The problem Rose is oblivious to happens when a gambler forsakes the long-term interests of the team for a short-term bet on a game. How many times did Rose overwork a pitcher because he was desperate to win a bet when a night of rest would have benefited the team and reduced the player’s risk of injury? It’s hard not to be dubious as to whether any manager foolish enough to break baseball’s cardinal rule (which is clearly posted in every locker room in the league) would be willing to put this organization first when money is on the line. Even if Rose didn’t know it was impacting his decisions, the goal of winning every night (which is completely unrealistic) probably hurt the Reds under his leadership. Gambling’s tendrils twist themselves to make even the most well-meaning of sportsmen into villainous heels. For this reason alone, gambling is the worst offense and tops the Cheating Scale.

So there you are, Canon Fodder’s Cheating Scale from minor infractions to the most heinous of offenses. Though it’s impossible to paint all these crimes with the same brush, this list should at least shed some light onto where these rank in the grand scheme of sportsmanship.

Hopefully you’re still enjoying what you’re reading here at Canon Fodder. If so, keep passing it on to friends. Have a question or comment (or a correction for something like the Cheating Scale)? E-mail me at jeff@canon-fodder.com. Anticipate a regular slate of entries next week as things get back to normal in the life of yours truly.