Canon Fodder – Sports Blog

(If every CSI show can pimp a song from The Who, I should be able to borrow an album title without getting crucified.)

Let’s play catch-up.

So what happened last Friday on my wife-and-child-free weekend? Four bars on Friday adding up to eleven hours of fun for me but an extremely boring post for Canon Fodder. Most of my entries read as follows:

“11:05 – First beer.”

“1:00 – Bleu cheese nachos.”

“1:17 – Fifth beer.”

“5:29 – ??? beer.”

Riveting stuff. I could probably extrapolate a slew of stories from my notes and produce a Homeric tale of epic proportions, but reader feedback has shown shorter posts are more preferable. Ask and you shall receive, or in this case, not receive as I’ll attempt to be more succinct.

A quick synopsis of Friday, Saturday and Sunday: I drank a lot, staggered into and out of half-a-dozen bars, attended a luau-themed wedding reception and didn’t get a lick of writing done. Most of my sports watching consisted of mere glimpses up at whatever game was playing. (Way too much women’s softball and arm wrestling for my liking, but either was preferable to poker.) The wife and kid arrived home safe-and-sound on Sunday night (but not before another delay on the tarmac and an additional extra hour trapped on a plane with a pair of toddlers for no apparent reason). As I said, riveting stuff.

But a ton of stuff did happen in the world of sports last week that I didn’t take the opportunity to touch on. Here we go…

Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett of the Chicago Cubs got into a dugout scuffle that carried into the locker room and resulted in multiple stitches for Barrett.
It brings a whole new meaning to the term “battery mates”.

Sticking with the Cubs, Lou Pinella was ejected on Saturday and later suspended for an argument with an umpire.
It’s only June and the Cubs are coming apart at the seams. Does anyone believe this guy could handle the pressure of managing the Yankees as he was so commonly thought to be heir apparent?

A little more baseball: Roger Clemens’ first start for the Yankees was bumped back until the weekend when New York travels to Pittsburgh due to a “groin” strain.
Are you telling me the Pinstripes weren’t eager to have Clemens work his first game kinks out versus an American League lineup? Expect another mysterious ailment to befall the future Hall of Fame pitcher if his turn in the rotation comes up on a roadtrip to Boston. I’m no conspiracy nut, but I think the rumors of Clemens’ cowardice have some merit and I believe the Yankees realize their savior is mortal. What are the chances Cashman signed Clemens to distract the media and fans from the Yankees last place position in the standings and buy the team a bit more time to turn things around?

LeBron “King” James led the Cleveland Cavaliers through Detroit and into the NBA Finals.
Now we’ll be inundated with LeBron versus Duncan stories because of their conflicting styles. My prediction? The Spurs and their “boring” (unless you actually enjoy watching teamwork and an unselfish superstar making everyone around him better) style over the Cavs in six. LeBron will win one game alone on talent, and another because of some hometown officiating but there’s nothing to make me believe they can overcome a polished team like the Spurs. One more title will cement Tim Duncan’s NBA legacy and the torch can be passed to LeBron next year.

Tank Johnson of the Chicago Bears has handed an eight-game suspension for violating the NFL’s new conduct policy.
Let’s hope he doesn’t spend all this newfound time on his hands hanging out with Pacman Jones. On the bright side, Michael Vick’s probably going to get a lot more than just eight games at home so he can keep Pacman company when Tank goes back to work. (Moral of the story: play with guns and thugs but don’t mess with PETA.)

The Anaheim Ducks won the Stanley Cup over the Ottawa Senators in five games.
(I’ll attempt to write this without sounding bitter as Ducks happen to be the team that knocked my beloved Red Wings out of the playoffs.) Hockey of the lowest common denominator. That’s the only way I can describe the way the Ducks play. Grind, hold, grind, hold, cheap shot, grind and hold some more. I’m willing to believe goalie J.S. Giguere is a wonderful guy and loves puppies and helps old ladies across the street, but in hockey terms, this guy is overrated. Way overrated. I don’t even believe he’s the best goalie on his own team. Now I’ll have to endure the rest of his career hearing how he’s a Stanley Cup winner. And I don’t even want to talk about Chris “Elbows-Up” Pronger getting his name engraved on the most precious trophy in all sports. The only aspect of this whole debacle I’m happy about is Disney’s influence (the former “Mighty” in the team nickname) will be left off the cup. (Okay, I’m done being bitter.)

The MLB draft is being shown live on ESPN this year.
Though I’m happy to see the coverage, how long will it be before folks realize this isn’t the NFL or NBA draft where players can immediately impact their teams? At best, a small percentage of these players being drafted will have so much as a cup of coffee in the big league. Sorry boys and girls but you’ll forget about these first round picks long before they ever lace-up the cleats for your favorite team. That’s just the way baseball works.

New Zealand is headed to the America’s Cup.
Though yachting is technically a sport (I think, maybe), there’s no way I’m going to cover it no matter how much of it my wife forces me to watch. It’s just a bunch of rich guys on boats. I can see the same thing in a rap video with the additional benefit of some booty-shakin’ thrown in. In other words, it’s a bunch of people I’ll never associate with doing something I would never care to do. (Sadly, I wonder if it’s getting better ratings than the NHL on Versus.)

I’ll cut it off here lest I offend my readers with short attention spans. Pop in tomorrow when I should have another new post. If you like what you’ve seen, keep stopping by and pass the word about Canon Fodder on to friends. Have a question or comment or even a biting criticism? Send them my way at jeff@canon-fodder.com.